If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
