just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
