Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
