i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
