Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
