hotel room ftw
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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