So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
