I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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