I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
