This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
