is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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