I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
