No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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