ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
