and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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