five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
