a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
