no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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