Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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