this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
