Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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