god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
