I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The air was thick with penises
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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