It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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