You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
