By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
