Duck Duck Cougar?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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