you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
