if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
