I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
