I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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