My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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