she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
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Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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