Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
