If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
