am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
