you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
