my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
