Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
