his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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