his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
