BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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