You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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