Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
