So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
