I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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