Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
