The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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