she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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