I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
