I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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