I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
where are you?
Hypothermia
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
