I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
