ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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