I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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