I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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