You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
