yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Screwed.edu
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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