I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
