I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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