So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
