I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
