I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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