dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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