I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
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Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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