You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
