i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
