So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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