Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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