dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
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Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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