Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
