i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
