I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
