Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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