wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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