Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
