he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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