So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
