This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
