I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
