I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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