Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
