i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
