i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
